the difference between normalizing and destigmatizing
on mental health awareness month, a personal story, and an ecology of healing
This post is for paid subscribers, but I’m offering a lengthy preview for free subscribers as well because I believe this is incredibly important.
the deep sigh.
There is this hilarious thing that my two-year old does these days when she feels disappointed. She’ll ask for something, and if I say, “no,” or “no right now,” she’ll slowly lower her gaze, and just let out this slow, long, deep sigh. It’s kind of like this:
Parenting-wise, there is a specific one of us (see below) that she gets this from, but that’s beside the point of today’s mini-essay.
May just so happens to be AANHPI month as well as Mental Health Awareness Month. What this means is that deep sighs become a little more frequent for me this month when I see content that people just seem to shovel on out there.
On the bingo card, you can always count on content from a certain segment of American Christianity that tells you that you need pastors and Jesus, not licensed professional counselors. Spoiler alert: I’m 1000% percent confident that Jesus isn’t going to be threatened by you having a therapist. You can do both.
Usually, you’ll also find content that tells you the best way to deal with negative mental health experiences is to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, get out there, and just get moving. I’d love to introduce those people to the mental health continuum, where a person’s ability to function is a critical factor in determining what kind of mental health service might be most effective in that season. Spoiler alert: pulling yourself up by your bootstraps isn’t going to be very helpful for the kinds of critical care needs that people think they’re talking about.
You may also find content that says we all suffer and that we’re all broken. We’re all sinners and we all face hardships. Therefore, it just is what is. Don’t worry. It’s normal. Except it’s not. This Yahoo article from last year notes that death by suicide is the leading cause of death among Asian Americans aged 15-24, which is true of no other racial group. I encourage you to read it as it unpacks how research norms, structural violence, generational trauma, and cultural stigma all factor into the concerning place we find ourselves today.
Here’s the point that I want to expand on: There is a subtle, but incredibly significant difference between normalizing something and destigmatizing something, especially when it comes to mental health experiences, as well as the marginalization and oppression that is not normal and should not be minimized or flattened into “we all suffer.”
All of that leads to why I want to share with you a particular experience that I had. It involves the one and only conversation in my life that I never had
simply because I was just too blessed beyond words.
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